[夜与日].(night.and.day).(英)弗吉尼亚·伍尔芙.文字版-第32部分
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it; she must; when the mittee was over。 Meanwhile;
she was behaving scandalously; she was looking
out of the window; and thinking of the color of the sky;
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and of the decorations on the Imperial Hotel; when she
ought to have been shepherding her colleagues; and pinning
them down to the matter in hand。 She could not
bring herself to attach more weight to one project than
to another。 Ralph had said—she could not stop to consider
what he had said; but he had somehow divested the
proceedings of all reality。 And then; without conscious
effort; by some trick of the brain; she found herself being
interested in some scheme for organizing a newspaper
campaign。 Certain articles were to be written; certain
editors approached。 What line was it advisable to
take? She found herself strongly disapproving of what
Mr。 Clacton was saying。 She mitted herself to the
opinion that now was the time to strike hard。 Directly
she had said this; she felt that she had turned upon Ralph’s
ghost; and she became more and more in earnest; and
anxious to bring the others round to her point of view。
Once more; she knew exactly and indisputably what is
right and what is wrong。 As if emerging from a mist; the
old foes of the public good loomed ahead of her—capitalists;
newspaper proprietors; antisuffragists; and; in
some ways most pernicious of all; the masses who take
no interest one way or another—among whom; for the
time being; she certainly discerned the features of Ralph
Denham。 Indeed; when Miss Markham asked her to suggest
the names of a few friends of hers; she expressed
herself with unusual bitterness:
“My friends think all this kind of thing useless。” She
felt that she was really saying that to Ralph himself。
“Oh; they’re that sort; are they?” said Miss Markham;
with a little laugh; and with renewed vigor their legions
charged the foe。
Mary’s spirits had been low when she entered the mittee
room; but now they were considerably improved。
She knew the ways of this world; it was a shapely; orderly
place; she felt convinced of its right and its wrong; and
the feeling that she was fit to deal a heavy blow against
her enemies warmed her heart and kindled her eye。 In
one of those flights of fancy; not characteristic of her but
tiresomely frequent this afternoon; she envisaged herself
battered with rotten eggs upon a platform; from which
Ralph vainly begged her to descend。 But—
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“What do I matter pared with the cause?” she said;
and so on。 Much to her credit; however teased by foolish
fancies; she kept the surface of her brain moderate and
vigilant; and subdued Mrs。 Seal very tactfully more than
once when she demanded; “Action!—everywhere!—at
once!” as became her father’s daughter。
The other members of the mittee; who were all rather
elderly people; were a good deal impressed by Mary; and
inclined to side with her and against each other; partly;
perhaps; because of her youth。 The feeling that she controlled
them all filled Mary with a sense of power; and
she felt that no work can equal in importance; or be so
exciting as; the work of making other people do what you
want them to do。 Indeed; when she had won her point
she felt a slight degree of contempt for the people who
had yielded to her。
The mittee now rose; gathered together their papers;
shook them straight; placed them in their attache
cases; snapped the locks firmly together; and hurried away;
having; for the most part; to catch trains; in order to
keep other appointments with other mittees; for they
were all busy people。 Mary; Mrs。 Seal; and Mr。 Clacton
were left alone; the room was hot and untidy; the pieces
of pink blottingpaper were lying at different angles upon
the table; and the tumbler was half full of water; which
some one had poured out and forgotten to drink。
Mrs。 Seal began preparing the tea; while Mr。 Clacton
retired to his room to file the fresh accumulation of documents。
Mary was too much excited even to help Mrs。 Seal
with the cups and saucers。 She flung up the window and
stood by it; looking out。 The street lamps were already
lit; and through the mist in the square one could see
little figures hurrying across the road and along the pavement;
on the farther side。 In her absurd mood of lustful
arrogance; Mary looked at the little figures and thought;
“If I liked I could make you go in there or stop short; I
could make you walk in single file or in double file; I
could do what I liked with you。” Then Mrs。 Seal came and
stood by her。
“Oughtn’t you to put something round your shoulders;
Sally?” Mary asked; in rather a condescending tone of
voice; feeling a sort of pity for the enthusiastic ineffec
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tive little woman。 But Mrs。 Seal paid no attention to the
suggestion。
“Well; did you enjoy yourself?” Mary asked; with a little
laugh。
Mrs。 Seal drew a deep breath; restrained herself; and
then burst out; looking out; too; upon Russell Square
and Southampton Row; and at the passersby; “Ah; if only
one could get every one of those people into this room;
and make them understand for five minutes! But they
must see the truth some day… 。 If only one could MAKE
them see it… 。”
Mary knew herself to be very much wiser than Mrs。 Seal;
and when Mrs。 Seal said anything; even if it was what Mary
herself was feeling; she automatically thought of all that
there was to be said against it。 On this occasion her arrogant
feeling that she could direct everybody dwindled away。
“Let’s have our tea;” she said; turning back from the
window and pulling down the blind。 “It was a good meeting—
didn’t you think so; Sally?” she let fall; casually; as
she sat down at the table。 Surely Mrs。 Seal must realize
that Mary had been extraordinarily efficient?
“But we go at such a snail’s pace;” said Sally; shaking
her head impatiently。
At this Mary burst out laughing; and all her arrogance
was dissipated。
“You can afford to laugh;” said Sally; with another shake
of her head; “but I can’t。 I’m fiftyfive; and I dare say I
shall be in my grave by the time we get it—if we ever do。”
“Oh; no; you won’t be in your grave;” said Mary; kindly。
“It’ll be such a great day;” said Mrs。 Seal; with a toss of
her locks。 “A great day; not only for us; but for civilization。
That’s what I feel; you know; about these meetings。
Each one of them is a step onwards in the great march—
humanity; you know。 We do want the people after us to
have a better time of it—and so many don’t see it。 I
wonder how it is that they don’t see it?”
She was carrying plates and cups from the cupboard as
she spoke; so that her sentences were more than usually
broken apart。 Mary could not help looking at the odd
little priestess of humanity with something like admiration。
While she had been thinking about herself; Mrs。
Seal had thought of nothing but her vision。
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“You mustn’t wear yourself out; Sally; if you want to
see the great day;” she said; rising and trying to take a
plate of biscuits from Mrs。 Seal’s hands。
“My dear child; what else is my old body good for?” she
exclaimed; clinging more tightly than before to her plate
of biscuits。 “Shouldn’t I be proud to give everything I
have to the cause?—for I’m not an intelligence like you。
There were domestic circumstances—I’d like to tell you
one of these days—so I say foolish things。 I lose my
head; you know。 You don’t。 Mr。 Clacton doesn’t。 It’s a
great mistake; to lose one’s head。 But my heart’s in the
right place。 And I’m so glad Kit has a big dog; for I didn’t
think her looking well。”
They had their tea; and went over many of the points
that had been raised in the mittee rather more intimately
than had been possible then; and they all felt an
agreeable sense of being in some way behind the scenes;
of having their hands upon strings which; when pulled;
would pletely change the pageant exhibited daily to
those who read the newspapers。 Although their views were
very different; this sense united them and made them
almost cordial in their manners to each other。
Mary; however; left the teaparty rather early; desiring
both to be alone; and then to hear some music at the
Queen’s Hall。 She fully intended to use her loneliness to
think out her position with regard to Ralph; but although
she walked back to the Strand with this end in view; she
found her mind unfortably full of different trains of
thought。 She started one and then another。 They seemed
even to take their color from the street she happened to
be in。 Thus the vision of humanity appeared to be in
some way connected with Bloomsbury; and faded distinctly
by the time she crossed the main road; then a
belated organgrinder in Holborn set her thoughts dancing
incongruously; and by the time she was crossing the
great misty square of Lincoln’s Inn Fields; she was cold
and depressed again; and horribly clearsighted。 The dark
removed the stimulus of human panionship; and a
tear actually slid down her cheek; acpanying a sudden
conviction within her that she loved Ralph; and that
he didn’t love her。 All dark and empty now was the path
where they had walked that morning; and the sparrows
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silent in the bare trees。 But the lights in her own building
soon cheered her; all these different states of mind
were submerged in the deep flood of desires; thoughts;
perceptions; antagonisms; which washed perpetually at
the base of her being; to rise into prominence in turn
when the conditions of the upper world were favorable。
She put off the hour of clear thought until Christmas;
saying to herself; as she lit her fire; that it is impossible
to think anything out in London; and; no doubt; Ralph
wouldn’t e at Christmas; and she would take long
walks into the heart of the country; and decide this question
and all the others that puzzled her。 Meanwhile; she
thought; drawing