3 eclipse月食-第57部分

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serves　
your　sympathy。”　
　　“What　do　you　mean？”　
　　“It’s　hard　enough　for　them；　having　to　share　all　their　thoughts。　Most　of　them　try　to　cooperate；　make　it　
easier。　When　even　one　member　is　deliberately　malicious；　it’s　painful　for　everyone。”　
　　“She　has　reason　enough；”　I　mumbled；　still　on　her　side。　
　　“Oh；　I　know；”　he　said。　“The　imprinting　pulsion　is　one　of　the　strangest　things　I’ve　ever　witnessed　in　my　
life；　and　I’ve　seen　some　strange　things。”　He　shook　his　head　wonderingly。　“The　way　Sam　is　tied　to　his　Emily　is　
impossible　to　describe　—　or　I　should　say　her　Sam。　Sam　really　had　no　choice。　It　reminds　me　of　A　
Midsummer　Night’s　Dream　with　all　the　chaos　caused　by　the　fairies’　love　spells　。　。　。　like　magic。”　He　smiled。　
“It’s　very　nearly　as　strong　as　the　way　I　feel　about　you。”　
　　“Poor　Leah；”　I　said　again。　“But　what　do　you　mean；　malicious？”　

“She’s　constantly　bringing　up　things　they’d　rather　not　think　of；”　he　explained。　“For　example；　Embry。”　
“What’s　with　Embry？”　I　asked；　surprised。　
“His　mother　moved　down　from　the　Makah　reservation　seventeen　years　ago；　when　she　was　pregnant　with　
him。　She’s　not　Quileute。　Everyone　assumed　she’d　left　his　father　behind　with　the　Makahs。　But　then　he　joined　
the　pack。”　
“So？”　
“So　the　prime　candidates　for　his　father　are　Quil　Ateara　Sr。；　Joshua　Uley；　or　Billy　Black；　all　of　them　
married　at　that　point；　of　course。”　
“No！”　I　gasped。　Edward　was　right　—　this　was　exactly　like　a　soap　opera。　
“Now　Sam；　Jacob；　and　Quil　all　wonder　which　of　them　has　a　halfbrother。　They’d　all　like　to　think　it’s　Sam；　
since　his　father　was　never　much　of　a　father。　But　the　doubt　is　always　there。　Jacob’s　never　been　able　to　ask　Billy　
about　that。”　
“Wow。　How　did　you　get　so　much　in　one　night？”　
“The　pack　mind　is　mesmerizing。　All　thinking　together　and　then　separately　at　the　same　time。　There’s　so　
much　to　read！”　
He　sounded　faintly　regretful；　like　someone　who’d　had　to　put　down　a　good　book　just　before　the　climax。　I　
laughed。　
“The　pack　is　fascinating；”　I　agreed。　“Almost　as　fascinating　as　you　are　when　you’re　trying　to　distract　me。”　
His　expression　became　polite　again　—　a　perfect　poker　face。　
“I　have　to　be　in　that　clearing；　Edward。”　
“No；”　he　said　in　a　very　final　tone。　
A　certain　path　occurred　to　me　at　that　moment。　
It　wasn’t　so　much　that　I　had　to　be　in　the　clearing。　I　just　had　to　be　where　Edward　was。　
Cruel；　I　accused　myself。　Selfish；　selfish；　selfish！　Don’t　do　it！　
I　ignored　my　better　instincts。　I　couldn’t　look　at　him　while　I　spoke；　though。　The　guilt　had　my　eyes　glued　to　
the　table。　
“Okay；　look；　Edward；”　I　whispered。　“Here’s　the　thing　。　。　。　I’ve　already　gone　crazy　once。　I　know　what　my　
limits　are。　And　I　can’t　stand　it　if　you　leave　me　again。”　
I　didn’t　look　up　to　see　his　reaction；　afraid　to　know　how　much　pain　I　was　inflicting。　I　did　hear　his　sudden　
intake　of　breath　and　the　silence　that　followed。　I　stared　at　the　dark　wooden　tabletop；　wishing　I　could　take　the　
words　back。　But　knowing　I　probably　wouldn’t。　Not　if　it　worked。　
Suddenly；　his　arms　were　around　me；　his　hands　stroking　my　face；　my　arms。　He　was　forting　me。　The　
guilt　went　into　spiral　mode。　But　the　survival　instinct　was　stronger。　There　was　no　question　that　he　was　
fundamental　to　my　survival。　
“You　know　it’s　not　like　that；　Bella；”　he　murmured。　“I　won’t　be　far；　and　it　will　be　over　quickly。”　
“I　can’t　stand　it；”　I　insisted；　still　staring　down。　“Not　knowing　whether　or　not　you’ll　e　back。　How　do　I　
live　through　that；　no　matter　how　quickly　it’s　over？”　
He　sighed。　“It’s　going　to　be　easy；　Bella。　There’s　no　reason　for　your　fears。”　
“None　at　all？”　
“None。”　
“And　everybody　will　be　fine？”　
“Everyone；”　he　promised。　
“So　there’s　no　way　at　all　that　I　need　to　be　in　the　clearing？”　
“Of　course　not。　Alice　just　told　me　that　they’re　down　to　nieen。　We’ll　be　able　to　handle　it　easily。”　
“That’s　right　—　you　said　it　was　so　easy　that　someone　could　sit　out；”　I　repeated　his　words　from　last　night。　
“Did　you　really　mean　that？”　
“Yes。”　
It　felt　too　simple　—　he　had　to　see　it　ing。　
“So　easy　that　you　could　sit　out？”　
After　a　long　moment　of　silence；　I　finally　looked　up　at　his　expression。　
The　poker　face　was　back。　
I　took　a　deep　breath。　“So　it’s　one　way　or　the　other。　Either　there　is　more　danger　than　you　want　me　to　

know　about；　in　which　case　it　would　be　right　for　me　to　be　there；　to　do　what　I　can　to　help。　Or　。　。　。　it’s　going　to　
be　so　easy　that　they’ll　get　by　without　you。　Which　way　is　it？”　
He　didn’t　speak。　
I　knew　what　he　was　thinking　of　—　the　same　thing　I　was　thinking　of。　Carlisle。　Esme。　Emmett。　Rosalie。　
Jasper。　And　。　。　。　I　forced　myself　to　think　the　last　name。　And　Alice。　
I　wondered　if　I　was　a　monster。　Not　the　kind　that　he　thought　he　was；　but　the　real　kind。　The　kind　that　hurt　
people。　The　kind　that　had　no　limits　when　it　came　to　what　they　wanted。　
What　I　wanted　was　to　keep　him　safe；　safe　with　me。　Did　I　have　a　limit　to　what　I　would　do；　what　I　would　
sacrifice　for　that？　I　wasn’t　sure。　
“You　ask　me　to　let　them　fight　without　my　help？”　he　said　in　a　quiet　voice。　
“Yes。”　I　was　surprised　I　could　keep　my　voice　even；　I　felt　so　wretched　inside。　“Or　to　let　me　be　there。　
Either　way；　so　long　as　we’re　together。”　
He　took　a　deep　breath；　and　then　exhaled　slowly。　He　moved　his　hands　to　place　them　on　either　side　of　my　
face；　forcing　me　to　meet　his　gaze。　He　looked　into　my　eyes　for　a　long　time。　I　wondered　what　he　was　looking　
for；　and　what　it　was　that　he　found。　Was　the　guilt　as　thick　on　my　face　as　it　was　in　my　stomach　—　sickening　me？　
His　eyes　tightened　against　some　emotion　I　couldn’t　read；　and　he　dropped　one　hand　to　pull　out　his　phone　
again。　
“Alice；”　he　sighed。　“Could　you　e　babysit　Bella　for　a　bit？”　He　raised　one　eyebrow；　daring　me　to　object　
to　the　word。　“I　need　to　speak　with　Jasper。”　
She　evidently　agreed。　He　put　the　phone　away　and　went　back　to　staring　at　my　face。　
“What　are　you　going　to　say　to　Jasper？”　I　whispered。　
“I’m　going　to　discuss　。　。　。　me　sitting　out。”　
It　was　easy　to　read　in　his　face　how　difficult　the　words　were　for　him。　
“I’m　sorry。”　
I　was　sorry。　I　hated　to　make　him　do　this。　Not　enough　that　I　could　fake　a　smile　and　tell　him　to　go　on　ahead　
without　me。　Definitely　not　that　much。　
“Don’t　apologize；”　he　said；　smiling　just　a　little。　“Never　be　afraid　to　tell　me　how　you　feel；　Bella。　If　this　is　
what　you　need　。　。　。”　He　shrugged。　“You　are　my　first　priority。”　
“I　didn’t　mean　it　that　way　—　like　you　have　to　choose　me　over　your　family。”　
“I　know　that。　Besides；　that’s　not　what　you　asked。　You　gave　me　two　alternatives　that　you　could　live　with；　
and　I　chose　the　one　that　I　could　live　with。　That’s　how　promise　is　supposed　to　work。”　
I　leaned　forward　and　rested　my　forehead　against　his　chest。　“Thank　you；”　I　whispered。　
“Anytime；”　he　answered；　kissing　my　hair。　“Anything。”　
We　didn’t　move　for　a　long　moment。　I　kept　my　face　hidden；　pressed　against　his　shirt。　Two　voices　struggled　
inside　me。　One　that　wanted　to　be　good　and　brave；　and　one　that　told　the　good　one　to　keep　her　mouth　shut。　
“Who’s　the　third　wife？”　he　asked　me　suddenly。　
“Huh？”　I　said；　stalling。　I　didn’t　remember　having　had　that　dream　again。　
“You　were　mumbling　something　about　‘the　third　wife’　last　night。　The　rest　made　a　little　sense；　but　you　lost　
me　there。”　
“Oh。　Um；　yeah。　That　was　just　one　of　the　stories　that　I　heard　at　the　bonfire　the　other　night。”　I　shrugged。　“I　
guess　it　stuck　with　me。”　
Edward　leaned　away　from　me　and　cocked　his　head　to　the　side；　probably　confused　by　the　unfortable　
edge　to　my　voice。　
Before　he　could　ask；　Alice　appeared　in　the　kitchen　doorway　with　a　sour　expression。　
“You’re　going　to　miss　all　the　fun；”　she　grumbled。　
“Hello；　Alice；”　he　greeted　her。　He　put　one　finger　under　my　chin　and　tilted　my　face　up　to　kiss　me　goodbye。　
“I’ll　be　back　later　tonight；”　he　promised　me。　“I’ll　go　work　this　out　with　the　others；　rearrange　things。”　
“Okay。”　
“There’s　not　much　to　arrange；”　Alice　said。　“I　already　told　them。　Emmett　is　pleased。”　
Edward　sighed。　“Of　course　he　is。”　
He　walked　out　the　door；　leaving　me　to　face　Alice。　
She　glared　at　me。　

“I’m　sorry；”　I　apologized　again。　“Do　you　think　this　will　make　it　more　dangerous　for　you？”　
She　snorted。　“You　worry　too　much；　Bella。　You’re　going　to　go　prematurely　gray。”　
“Why　are　you　upset；　then？”　
“Edward　is　such　a　grouch　when　he　doesn’t　get　his　way。　I’m　just　anticipating　living　with　him　for　the　next　
few　months。”　She　made　a　face。　“I　suppose；　if　it　keeps　you　sane；　it’s　worth　it。　But　I　wish　you　could　control　the　
pessimism；　Bella。　It’s　so　unnecessary。”　
“Would　you　let　Jasper　go　without　you？”　I　demanded。　
Alice　grimaced。　“That’s　different。”　
“Sure　it　is。”　
“Go　clean　yourself　up；”　she　ordered　me。　“Charlie　will　be　home　in　fifteen　minutes；　and　if　you　look　this　
ragged　he’s　not　going　to　want　to　let　you　out　again。”　
Wow；　I’d　really　lost　the　whole　day。　It　felt　like　such　a　waste。　I　was　glad　I　wouldn’t　always　have　to　
squander　my　time　with　sleeping。　
I　was　entirely　presentable　when　Charlie　got　home　—　fully　dressed；　hair　decent；　and　in　the　kitchen　putting　
his　dinner　on　the　table。　Alice　sat　in　Edward’s　usual　place；　and　this　seemed　to　make　Charlie’s　day。　
“Howdy；　Alice！　How　are　you；　hon？”　
“I’m　fine；　Charlie；　thanks。”　
“I　see　you　finally　made　it　out　of　bed；　sleepyhead；”　he　said　to　me　as　I　sat　beside　him；　before　turning　back　to　
Alice。　“Everyone’s　talking　about　that　party　your　parents　threw　last　night。　I’ll　bet　you’ve　got　one　heck　of　a　
cleanup　job　ahead　of　you。”　
Alice　shrugged。　Knowing　her；　it　was　already　done。　
“It　was　worth　it；”　she　said。　“It　was　a　great　party。”　
“Where’s　Edward？”　Charlie　asked；　a　little　grudgingly。　“Is　he　helping　clean　up？”　
Alice　sighed　and　her　face　turned　tragic。　It　was　probably　an　act；　but　it　was　too　perfect　for　me　to　be　
positive。　“No。　He’s　off　planning　the　weekend　with　Emmett　and　Carlisle。”　
“Hikingagain？”　
Alice　nodded；　her　face　suddenly　forlorn。　“Yes。　They’re　all　going；　except　me。　We　always　go　backpacking　
at　the　end　of　the　school　year；　sort　of　a　celebration；　but　this　year　I　decided　I’d　rather　shop　than　hike；　and　not　
one　of　them　will　stay　b