3 eclipse月食-第37部分

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


“Your　lips　are　white。　Talk；　Bella。”　
I　exhaled　in　a　big　gust。　How　long　had　I　been　holding　my　breath？　
“The　date　took　me　off　guard；”　I　whispered。　“That’s　all。”　
He　waited；　his　face　full　of　worry　and　skepticism。　
I　tried　to　explain。　“I’m　not　sure　what　to　do　。　。　。　what　to　tell　Charlie　。　。　。　what　to　say　。　。　。　how　to　。　。　。”　My　
voice　trailed　off。　
“This　isn’t　about　the　party？”　
I　frowned。　“No。　But　thanks　for　reminding　me。”　
The　rain　was　louder　as　he　read　my　face。　
“You’re　not　ready；”　he　whispered。　
“I　am；”　I　lied　immediately；　a　reflex　reaction。　I　could　tell　he　saw　through　it；　so　I　took　a　deep　breath；　and　
told　the　truth。　“I　have　to　be。”　
“You　don’t　have　to　be　anything。”　
I　could　feel　the　panic　surfacing　in　my　eyes　as　I　mouthed　the　reasons。　“Victoria；　Jane；　Caius；　whoever　was　
in　my　room　。　。　。　！”　
“All　the　more　reason　to　wait。”　
“That　doesn’t　make　any　sense；　Edward！”　
He　pressed　his　hands　more　tightly　to　my　face　and　spoke　with　slow　deliberation。　
“Bella。　Not　one　of　us　had　a　choice。　You’ve　seen　what　it’s　done　。　。　。　to　Rosalie　especially。　We’ve　all　
struggled；　trying　to　reconcile　ourselves　with　something　we　had　no　control　over。　I　won’t　let　it　be　that　way　for　
you。　You　will　have　a　choice。”　
“I’ve　already　made　my　choice。”　
“You　aren’t　going　through　with　this　because　a　sword　is　hanging　over　your　head。　We　will　take　care　of　the　
problems；　and　I　will　take　care　of　you；”　he　vowed。　“When　we’re　through　it；　and　there　is　nothing　forcing　your　
hand；　then　you　can　decide　to　join　me；　if　you　still　want　to。　But　not　because　you’re　afraid。　You　won’t　be　forced　
into　this。”　
“Carlisle　promised；”　I　mumbled；　contrary　out　of　habit。　“After　graduation。”　
“Not　until　you’re　ready；”　he　said　in　a　sure　voice。　“And　definitely　not　while　you　feel　threatened。”　
I　didn’t　answer。　I　didn’t　have　it　in　me　to　argue；　I　couldn’t　seem　to　find　my　mitment　at　the　moment。　
“There。”　He　kissed　my　forehead。　“Nothing　to　worry　about。”　
I　laughed　a　shaky　laugh。　“Nothing　but　impending　doom。”　
“Trust　me。”　
“I　do。”　
He　was　still　watching　my　face；　waiting　for　me　to　relax。　
“Can　I　ask　you　something？”　I　said。　
“Anything。”　
I　hesitated；　biting　my　lip；　and　then　asked　a　different　question　than　the　one　I　was　worried　about。　
“What　am　I　getting　Alice　for　graduation？”　

He　snickered。　“It　looked　like　you　were　getting　us　both　concert　tickets　—”　
“That’s　right！”　I　was　so　relieved；　I　almost　smiled。　“The　concert　in　Taa。　I　saw　an　ad　in　the　paper　last　
week；　and　I　thought　it　would　be　something　you’d　like；　since　you　said　it　was　a　good　CD。”　
“It’s　a　great　idea。　Thank　you。”　
“I　hope　it’s　not　sold　out。”　
“It’s　the　thought　that　counts。　I　ought　to　know。”　
I　sighed。　
“There’s　something　else　you　meant　to　ask；”　he　said。　
I　frowned。　“You’re　good。”　
“I　have　lots　of　practice　reading　your　face。　Ask　me。”　
I　closed　my　eyes　and　leaned　into　him；　hiding　my　face　against　his　chest。　“You　don’t　want　me　to　be　a　
vampire。”　
“No；　I　don’t；”　he　said　softly；　and　then　he　waited　for　more。　“That’s　not　a　question；”　he　prompted　after　a　
moment。　
“Well　。　。　。　I　was　worrying　about　。　。　。　why　you　feel　that　way。”　
“Worrying？”　He　picked　out　the　word　with　surprise。　
“Would　you　tell　me　why？　The　whole　truth；　not　sparing　my　feelings？”　
He　hesitated　for　a　minute。　“If　I　answer　your　question；　will　you　then　explain　your　question？”　
I　nodded；　my　face　still　hidden。　
He　took　a　deep　breath　before　he　answered。　“You　could　do　so　much　better；　Bella。　I　know　that　you　believe　
I　have　a　soul；　but　I’m　not　entirely　convinced　on　that　point；　and　to　risk　yours　。　。　。”　He　shook　his　head　slowly。　
“For　me　to　allow　this　—　to　let　you　bee　what　I　am　just　so　that　I’ll　never　have　to　lose　you　—　is　the　most　
selfish　act　I　can　imagine。　I　want　it　more　than　anything；　for　myself。　But　for　you；　I　want　so　much　more。　Giving　in　
—　it　feels　criminal。　It’s　the　most　selfish　thing　I’ll　ever　do；　even　if　I　live　forever。　
“If　there　were　any　way　for　me　to　bee　human　for　you　—　no　matter　what　the　price　was；　I　would　pay　it。”　
I　sat　very　still；　absorbing　this。　
Edward　thought　he　was　being　selfish。　
I　felt　the　smile　slowly　spread　across　my　face。　
“So　。　。　。　it’s　not　that　you’re　afraid　you　won’t　。　。　。　like　me　as　much　when　I’m　different　—　when　I’m　not　soft　
and　warm　and　I　don’t　smell　the　same？　You　really　do　want　to　keep　me；　no　matter　how　I　turn　out？”　
He　exhaled　sharply。　“You　were　worried　I　wouldn’t　like　you？”　he　demanded。　Then；　before　I　could　
answer；　he　was　laughing。　“Bella；　for　a　fairly　intuitive　person；　you　can　be　so　obtuse！”　
I　knew　he　would　think　it　silly；　but　I　was　relieved。　If　he　really　wanted　me；　I　could　get　through　the　rest　。　。　。　
somehow。　Selfish　suddenly　seemed　like　a　beautiful　word。　
“I　don’t　think　you　realize　how　much　easier　it　will　be　for　me；　Bella；”　he　said；　the　echo　of　his　humor　still　there　
in　his　voice；　“when　I　don’t　have　to　concentrate　all　the　time　on　not　killing　you。　Certainly；　there　are　things　I’ll　
miss。　This　for　one　。　。　。”　
He　stared　into　my　eyes　as　he　stroked　my　cheek；　and　I　felt　the　blood　rush　up　to　color　my　skin。　He　laughed　
gently。　
“And　the　sound　of　your　heart；”　he　continued；　more　serious　but　still　smiling　a　little。　“It’s　the　most　significant　
sound　in　my　world。　I’m　so　attuned　to　it　now；　I　swear　I　could　pick　it　out　from　miles　away。　But　neither　of　these　
things　matter。　This；”　he　said；　taking　my　face　in　his　hands。　“You。　That’s　what　I’m　keeping。　You’ll　always　be　my　
Bella；　you’ll　just　be　a　little　more　durable。”　
I　sighed　and　let　my　eyes　close　in　contentment；　resting　there　in　his　hands。　
“Now　will　you　answer　a　question　for　me？　The　whole　truth；　not　sparing　my　feelings？”　he　asked。　
“Of　course；”　I　answered　at　once；　my　eyes　opening　wide　with　surprise。　What　would　he　want　to　know？　
He　spoke　the　words　slowly。　“You　don’t　want　to　be　my　wife。”　
My　heart　stopped；　and　then　broke　into　a　sprint。　A　cold　sweat　dewed　on　the　back　of　my　neck　and　my　
hands　turned　to　ice。　
He　waited；　watching　and　listening　to　my　reaction。　
“That’s　not　a　question；”　I　finally　whispered。　
He　looked　down；　his　lashes　casting　long　shadows　across　his　cheekbones；　and　dropped　his　hands　from　my　

face　to　pick　up　my　frozen　left　hand。　He　played　with　my　fingers　while　he　spoke。　
“I　was　worrying　about　why　you　felt　that　way。”　
I　tried　to　swallow。　“That’s　not　a　question；　either；”　I　whispered。　
“Please；　Bella？”　
“The　truth？”　I　asked；　only　mouthing　the　words。　
“Of　course。　I　can　take　it；　whatever　it　is。”　
I　took　a　deep　breath。　“You’re　going　to　laugh　at　me。”　
His　eyes　flashed　up　to　mine；　shocked。　“Laugh？　I　cannot　imagine　that。”　
“You’ll　see；”　I　muttered；　and　then　I　sighed。　My　face　went　from　white　to　scarlet　in　a　sudden　blaze　of　
chagrin。　“Okay；　fine！　I’m　sure　this　will　sound　like　some　big　joke　to　you；　but　really！　It’s　just　so　。　。　。　so　。　。　。　so　
embarrassing！”　I　confessed；　and　I　hid　my　face　against　his　chest　again。　
There　was　a　brief　pause。　
“I’m　not　following　you。”　
I　tilted　my　head　back　and　glared　at　him；　embarrassment　making　me　lash　out；　belligerent。　
“I’m　not　that　girl；　Edward。　The　one　who　gets　married　right　out　of　high　school　like　some　smalltown　hick　
who　got　knocked　up　by　her　boyfriend！　Do　you　know　what　people　would　think？　Do　you　realize　what　century　
this　is？　People　don’t　just　get　married　at　eighteen！　Not　smart　people；　not　responsible；　mature　people！　I　wasn’t　
going　to　be　that　girl！　That’s　not　who　I　am。　。　。　。”　I　trailed　off；　losing　steam。　
Edward’s　face　was　impossible　to　read　as　he　thought　through　my　answer。　
“That’s　all？”　he　finally　asked。　
I　blinked。　“Isn’t　that　enough？”　
“It’s　not　that　you　were　。　。　。　more　eager　for　immortality　itself　than　for　just　me？”　
And　then；　though　I’d　predicted　that　he　would　laugh；　I　was　suddenly　the　one　having　hysterics。　
“Edward！”　I　gasped　out　between　the　paroxysms　of　giggles。　“And　here　。　。　。　I　always　。　。　。　thought　that　。　。　。　
you　were　。　。　。　so　much　。　。　。　smarter　than　me！”　
He　took　me　in　his　arms；　and　I　could　feel　that　he　was　laughing　with　me。　
“Edward；”　I　said；　managing　to　speak　more　clearly　with　a　little　effort；　“there’s　no　point　to　forever　without　
you。　I　wouldn’t　want　one　day　without　you。”　
“Well；　that’s　a　relief；”　he　said。　
“Still　。　。　。　it　doesn’t　change　anything。”　
“It’s　nice　to　understand；　though。　And　I　do　understand　your　perspective；　Bella；　truly　I　do。　But　I’d　like　it　
very　much　if　you’d　try　to　consider　mine。”　
I’d　sobered　up　by　then；　so　I　nodded　and　struggled　to　keep　the　frown　off　my　face。　
His　liquid　gold　eyes　turned　hypnotic　as　they　held　mine。　
“You　see；　Bella；　I　was　always　that　boy。　In　my　world；　I　was　already　a　man。　I　wasn’t　looking　for　love　—　
no；　I　was　far　too　eager　to　be　a　soldier　for　that；　I　thought　of　nothing　but　the　idealized　glory　of　the　war　that　they　
were　selling　prospective　draftees　then　—　but　if　I　had　found　。　。　。”　He　paused；　cocking　his　head　to　the　side。　“I　
was　going　to　say　if　I　had　found　someone；　but　that　won’t　do。　If　I　had　found　you；　there　isn’t　a　doubt　in　my　mind　
how　I　would　have　proceeded。　I　was　that　boy；　who　would　have　—　as　soon　as　I　discovered　that　you　were　
what　I　was　looking　for　—　gotten　down　on　one　knee　and　endeavored　to　secure　your　hand。　I　would　have　
wanted　you　for　eternity；　even　when　the　word　didn’t　have　quite　the　same　connotations。”　
He　smiled　his　crooked　smile　at　me。　
I　stared　at　him　with　my　eyes　frozen　wide。　
“Breathe；　Bella；”　he　reminded　me；　smiling。　
I　breathed。　
“Can　you　see　my　side；　Bella；　even　a　little　bit？”　
And　for　one　second；　I　could。　I　saw　myself　in　a　long　skirt　and　a　highnecked　lace　blouse　with　my　hair　piled　
up　on　my　head。　I　saw　Edward　looking　dashing　in　a　light　suit　with　a　bouquet　of　wildflowers　in　his　hand；　sitting　
beside　me　on　a　porch　swing。　
I　shook　my　head　and　swallowed。　I　was　just　having　Anne　of　Green　Gables　flashbacks。　
“The　thing　is；　Edward；”　I　said　in　a　shaky　voice；　avoiding　the　question；　“in　my　mind；　marriage　and　eternity　
are　not　mutually　exclusive　or　mutually　inclusive　concepts。　And　since　we’re　living　in　my　world　for　the　moment；　

maybe　we　should　go　with　the　times；　if　you　know　what　I　mean。”　
　“But　on　the　other　hand；”　he　countered；　“you　will　soon　be　leaving