new moon(暮光之城-新月英文版)-第9部分

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myself—I　could　live　with　
that。　
Or　going　away。　Maybe　he　wouldn't　want　to　wait　till　the　end　of　the　school　year；　
maybe　it　would　have　to　
be　now。　
In　front　of　me；　on　the　table；　my　presents　from　Charlie　and　Renee　were　where　I　
had　left　them；　the　camera　
I　hadn't　had　the　chance　to　use　at　the　Cullens'　sitting　beside　the　album。　I　
touched　the　pretty　cover　of　the　
scrapbook　my　mother　had　given　me；　and　sighed；　thinking　of　Renee。　Somehow；　
living　without　her　for　as　
long　as　I　had　did　not　make　the　idea　of　a　more　permanent　separation　easier。　And　
Charlie　would　be　left　all　
alone　here；　abandoned。　They　would　both　be　so　hurt　
But　we'd　e　back；　right？　We'd　visit；　of　course；　wouldn't　we？　
I　couldn't　be　certain　about　the　answer　to　that。　
I　leaned　my　cheek　against　my　knee；　staring　at　the　physical　tokens　of　my　
parents'　love。　I'd　known　this　path　
I'd　chosen　was　going　to　be　hard。　And；　after　all；　I　was　thinking　about　the　
worst…case　scenario—the　very　
worst　I　could　live　through。　
I　touched　the　scrapbook　again；　flipping　the　front　cover　over。　Little　metal　
corners　were　already　in　place　to　
hold　the　first　picture。　It　wasn't　a　half…bad　idea；　to　make　some　record　of　my　
life　here。　I　felt　a　strange　urge　
to　get　started。　Maybe　I　didn't　have　that　long　left　in　Forks。　
I　toyed　with　the　wrist　strap　on　the　camera；　wondering　about　the　first　picture　
on　the　roll。　Could　it　possibly　
turn　out　anything　close　to　the　original？　I　doubted　it。　But　he　didn't　seem　
worried　that　it　would　be　blank。　I　
chuckled　to　myself；　thinking　of　his　carefree　laughter　last　night。　The　chuckle　
died　away。　So　much　had　
changed；　and　so　abruptly。　It　made　me　feel　a　little　bit　dizzy；　like　I　was　
standing　on　an　edge；　a　precipice　
somewhere　much　too　high。　
I　didn't　want　to　think　about　that　anymore。　I　grabbed　the　camera　and　headed　up　
the　stairs。　
My　room　hadn't　really　changed　all　that　much　in　the　seventeen　years　since　my　
mother　had　been　here。　The　
walls　were　still　light　blue；　the　same　yellowed　lace　curtains　hung　in　front　of　
the　window。　There　was　a　bed；　
rather　than　a　crib；　but　she　would　recognize　the　quilt　draped　untidily　over　the　
top—it　had　been　a　gift　ROM　
Gran。　
Regardless；　I　snapped　a　picture　of　my　room。　There　wasn't　much　else　I　could　do　
tonight—it　was　too　dark　
outside—and　the　feeling　was　growing　stronger；　it　was　almost　a　pulsion　now。　
I　would　record　
everything　about　Forks　before　I　had　to　leave　it。　
Change　was　ing。　I　could　feel　it。　It　wasn't　a　pleasant　prospect；　not　when　
life　was　perfect　the　way　it　
was。　
I　took　my　time　ing　back　down　the　stairs；　camera　in　hand；　trying　to　ignore　
the　butterflies　in　my　
stomach　as　I　thought　of　the　strange　distance　I　didn't　want　to　see　in　Edward's　
eyes。　He　would　get　over　
this。　Probably　he　was　worried　that　I　would　be　upset　when　he　asked　me　to　leave。　
I　would　let　him　work　
through　it　without　meddling。　And　I　would　be　prepared　when　he　asked。　
I　had　the　camera　ready　as　I　leaned　around　the　corner；　being　sneaky。　I　was　sure　
there　was　no　chance　that　
I　had　caught　Edward　by　surprise；　but　he　didn't　look　up。　I　felt　a　brief　shiver　
as　something　icy　twisted　in　my　
stomach；　I　ignored　that　and　took　the　picture。　
They　both　looked　at　me　then。　Charlie　frowned。　Edward's　face　was　empty；　
expressionless。　
〃What　are　you　doing；　Bella？〃　Charlie　plained。　
〃Oh；　e　on。〃　I　pretended　to　smile　as　I　went　to　sit　on　the　floor　in　front　of　
the　sofa　where　Charlie　
lounged。　〃You　know　Mom　will　be　calling　soon　to　ask　if　I'm　using　my　presents。　I　
have　to　get　to　work　
before　she　can　get　her　feelings　hurt。〃　
〃Why　are　you　taking　pictures　of　me；　though？〃　he　grumbled。　
〃Because　you're　so　handsome；〃　I　replied；　keeping　it　light。　〃And　because；　since　
you　bought　the　camera；　
you're　obligated　to　be　one　of　my　subjects。〃　
He　mumbled　something　unintelligible。　
〃Hey；　Edward；〃　I　said　with　admirable　indifference。　〃Take　one　of　me　and　my　dad　
together。〃　
I　threw　the　camera　toward　him；　carefully　avoiding　his　eyes；　and　knelt　beside　
the　arm　of　the　sofa　where　
Charlie's　face　was。　Charlie　sighed。　
〃You　need　to　smile；　Bella；〃　Edward　murmured。　
I　did　my　best；　and　the　camera　flashed。　
〃Let　me　take　one　of　you　kids；〃　Charlie　suggested。　I　knew　he　was　just　trying　to　
shift　the　camera's　focus　
fromhimself。　
Edward　stood　and　lightly　tossed　him　the　camera。　
I　went　to　stand　beside　Edward；　and　the　arrangement　felt　formal　and　strange　to　
me。　He　put　one　hand　
lightly　on　my　shoulder；　and　I　wrapped　my　arm　more　securely　around　his　waist。　I　
wanted　to　look　at　his　
face；　but　I　was　afraid　to。　
〃Smile；　Bella；〃　Charlie　reminded　me　again。　
I　took　a　deep　breath　and　smiled。　The　flash　blinded　me。　
〃Enough　pictures　for　tonight；〃　Charlie　said　then；　shoving　the　camera　into　a　
crevice　of　the　sofa　cushions　
and　rolling　over　it。　〃You　don't　have　to　use　the　whole　roll　now。〃　
Edward　dropped　his　hand　from　my　shoulder　and　twisted　casually　out　of　my　arm。　
He　sat　back　down　in　
the　armchair。　
I　hesitated；　and　then　went　to　sit　against　the　sofa　again。　I　was　suddenly　so　
frightened　that　my　hands　were　
shaking。　I　pressed　them　into　my　stomach　to　hide　them；　put　my　chin　on　my　knees　
and　stared　at　the　TV　
screen　in　front　of　me；　seeing　nothing。　
When　the　show　ended；　I　hadn't　moved　an　inch。　Out　of　the　corner　of　my　eye；　I　
saw　Edward　stand。　
〃I'd　better　get　home；〃　he　said。　
Charlie　didn't　look　up　from　the　mercial。　〃See　ya。〃　
I　got　awkwardly　to　my　feet—I　was　stiff　from　sitting　so　still—and　followed　
Edward　out　the　front　door。　He　
went　straight　to　his　car。　
〃Will　you　stay？〃　I　asked；　no　hope　in　my　voice。　
I　expected　his　answer；　so　it　didn't　hurt　as　much。　
〃Not　tonight。〃　
I　didn't　ask　for　a　reason。　
He　got　in　his　car　and　drove　away　while　I　stood　there；　unmoving。　I　barely　
noticed　that　it　was　raining。　I　
waited；　without　knowing　what　I　waited　for；　until　the　door　opened　behind　me。　
〃Bella；　what　are　you　doing？〃　Charlie　asked；　surprised　to　see　me　standing　there　
alone　and　dripping。　
〃Nothing。〃　I　turned　and　trudged　back　to　the　house。　
It　was　a　long　night；　with　little　in　the　way　of　rest。　
I　got　up　as　soon　as　there　was　a　faint　light　outside　my　window。　I　dressed　for　
school　mechanically；　waiting　
for　the　clouds　to　brighten。　When　I　had　eaten　a　bowl　of　cereal；　I　decided　that　
it　was　light　enough　for　
pictures。　I　took　one　of　my　truck；　and　then　the　front　of　the　house。　I　turned　
and　snapped　a　few　of　the　forest　
by　Charlie's　house。　Funny　how　it　didn't　seem　sinister　like　it　used　to。　I　
realized　I　would　miss　this—the　
green；　the　timelessness；　the　mystery　of　the　woods。　All　of　it。　
I　put　the　camera　in　my　school　bag　before　I　left。　I　tried　to　concentrate　on　my　
new　project　rather　than　the　
fact　that　Edward　apparently　hadn't　gotten　over　things　during　the　night。　
Along　with　the　fear；　I　was　beginning　to　feel　impatience。　How　long　could　this　
last？　
It　lasted　through　the　morning。　He　walked　silently　beside　me；　never　seeming　to　
actually　look　at　me。　I　tried　
to　concentrate　on　my　classes；　but　not　even　English　could　hold　my　attention。　
Mr。　Berty　had　to　repeat　his　
question　about　Lady　Capulet　twice　before　I　realized　he　was　talking　to　me。　
Edward　whispered　the　correct　
answer　under　his　breath　and　then　went　back　to　ignoring　me。　
At　lunch；　the　silence　continued。　I　felt　like　I　was　going　to　start　screaming　at　
any　moment；　so；　to　distract　
myself；　I　leaned　across　the　table's　invisible　line　and　spoke　to　Jessica。　
〃Hey；　Jess？〃　
〃What's　up；　Bella？〃　
〃Could　you　do　me　a　favor？〃　I　asked；　reaching　into　my　bag。　〃My　mom　wants　me　to　
get　some　pictures　of　
my　friends　for　a　scrapbook。　So；　take　some　pictures　of　everybody；　okay？〃　
I　handed　her　the　camera。　
〃Sure；〃　she　said；　grinning；　and　turned　to　snap　a　candid　shot　of　Mike　with　his　
mouth　full。　
A　predictable　picture　war　ensued。　I　watched　them　hand　the　camera　around　the　
table；　giggling　and　flirting　
and　plaining　about　being　on　film。　It　seemed　strangely　childish。　Maybe　I　
just　wasn't　in　the　mood　for　
normal　human　behavior　today。　
〃Uh…oh；〃　Jessica　said　apologetically　as　she　returned　the　camera。　〃I　think　we　
used　all　your　film。〃　
〃That's　okay。　I　think　I　already　got　pictures　of　everything　else　I　needed。〃　
After　school；　Edward　walked　me　back　to　the　parking　lot　in　silence。　I　had　to　
work　again；　and　for　once；　I　
was　glad。　Time　with　me　obviously　wasn't　helping　things。　Maybe　time　alone　would　
be　better。　
I　dropped　my　film　off　at　the　Thriftway　on　my　way　to　Newton's；　and　then　picked　
up　the　developed　
pictures　after　work。　At　home；　I　said　a　brief　hi　to　Charlie；　grabbed　a　granola　
bar　from　the　kitchen；　and　
hurried　up　to　my　room　with　the　envelope　of　photographs　tucked　under　my　arm。　
I　sat　in　the　middle　of　my　bed　and　opened　the　envelope　with　wary　curiosity。　
Ridiculously；　I　still　half　
expected　the　first　print　to　be　a　blank。　
When　I　pulled　it　out；　I　gasped　aloud。　Edward　looked　just　as　beautiful　as　he　
did　in　real　life；　staring　at　me　
out　of　the　picture　with　the　warm　eyes　I'd　missed　for　the　past　few　days。　It　was　
almost　uncanny　that　anyone　
could　look　so　so　beyond　description。　No　thousand　words　could　equal　this　
picture。　
I　flipped　through　the　rest　of　the　stack　quickly　once；　and　then　laid　three　of　
them　out　on　the　bed　side　by　
side。　
The　first　was　the　picture　of　Edward　in　the　kitchen；　his　warm　eyes　touched　with　
tolerant　amusement。　The　
second　was　Edward　and　Charlie；　watching　ESPN。　The　difference　in　Edward's　
expression　was　severe。　
His　eyes　were　careful　here；　reserved。　Still　breathtakingly　beautiful；　but　his　
face　was　colder；　more　like　a　
sculpture；　less　alive。　
The　last　was　the　picture　of　Edward　and　me　standing　awkwardly　side　by　side。　
Edward's　face　was　the　
same　as　the　last；　cold　and　statue…like。　But　that　wasn't　the　most　troubling　
part　of　this　photograph。　The　
contrast　between　the　two　of　us　was　painful。　He　looked　like　a　god。　I　looked　
very　average；　even　for　a　
human；　almost　shamefully　plain。　I　flipped　the　picture　over　with　a　feeling　of　
disgust。　
Instead　of　doing　my　homework；　I　stayed　up　to　put　my　pictures　into　the　album。　
With　a　ballpoint　pen　I　
scrawled　captions　under　all　the　pictures；　the　names　and　the　dates。　I　got　to　
the　picture　of　Edward　and　me；　
and；　without　looking　at　it　too　long；　I　folded　it　in　half　and　stuck　it　under　
the　metal　tab；　Edward…side　up。　
When　I　was　done；　I　stuf